I have always liked math.

For me, it was the problem-solving I enjoyed. You take a formula, plug in the numbers and your answer automatically comes out. Easy. So from about 7th grade, I decided I wanted to become an engineer. I switched around the type of engineering that interested me most but after watching a video in my 8th-grade science class I KNEW I wanted to work for Disney and build roller coasters. And so it became my dream to be a Disney Imagineer.

As a girl who wanted to pursue a career in STEM, everyone hypes you up. They are quick to say, “That’s so cool,” or “Wow, you must be really smart,” or pretty much any other nice thing they could think to tell the nerdy girl that liked math. But one day, everything changed for me.

I was in the 10th grade. I was standing in the lower level of Stillwater High School on my way to the FACS room yet again; to do what, I couldn’t tell you. But, what I can tell you is that I was stopped in my tracks when I heard the whisper of the Holy Spirit say, “You are going to be a FACS teacher.”

What?

No way!

I already had my plan, I knew where I was headed and I believed I could accomplish my dream. Well, that was all fine and dandy until I took Algebra II my junior year of high school. I don’t know if I just didn’t get my teacher or the concepts were tough but somehow my ability to do math easily went right out the window. And for the first time, I began to doubt my dream.

Slowly but surely, the call on my heart got louder and louder each day until I realized that the dream I was chasing wasn’t the one for me. At the same time my passion for Family and Consumer Sciences exploded. Where it came from I don’t know but what I do know is that the Lord had me wrapped tightly in a cocoon of experiences that gave me every opportunity to fall more in love with the idea of being a FACS teacher.

It’s nice to know that the people in our lives want the best for us. But, it’s funny how sometimes what people think is the best or most helpful thing really isn’t in the long run. What I mean, is that sometimes, in the nicest and most caring way possible the people around us can tear down our dreams.

So here I am ending my junior year of high school, preparing for college, applying for scholarships having proudly declared a major in Family and Consumer Sciences Education and the peanut gallery joins in.

“You want to be a teacher? You know they don’t make much money right?”

“You want to be stuck in a classroom? You know, kids these days are terrible.”

And my personal favorite…

“You are so amazing, why would you waste your potential in the classroom?”

I was wasting my potential.

This was the lie that slowly crept into my heart and stayed there long enough for me to second-guess my dream. But this time it wasn’t just something that I was interested in, it was where I had been called. Believing this lie was no longer about me changing my major in college or pivoting my plan just a little. The belief that I was existing in a space less than my personal potential meant that I turned away from God’s potential to use my life for His glory.

The summer between my junior and senior year brought lots of challenges for me. Summer 2015 took me to places I’d never been, all across Oklahoma, to Washington D.C. (twice), and into the company of some of the most phenomenal people I’ve ever met. And, in July of 2015, I attended Girls Nation.

Girls Nation is a premier leadership program made up of two delegates from each of the fifty states where girls come together and learn about the federal government. Since its founding in 1947 around 7,000 women have participated in the program, so these girls really are the cream of the crop.

On the very first night, I sat in a room with the girls in my community group. These were the people I would be spending the majority of my time with over my weeklong stay in D.C.. I’ll never forget, we went around the room and gave our introductions that night; what our names were, where we were from, and what we wanted to do with our lives (a big question for a 17-year-old if you ask me). As we made our way around the room girls said things like, “I want to find a cure for cancer,” “I want to work for the FBI,” “I want to run for Congress one day” and all of a sudden it was my turn and I say, “I want to teach Family and Consumer Sciences in a high school.”

I can still feel the pit in my stomach after seeing the looks on their faces. Maybe it was boredom, maybe it was exhaustion from our travel but at that moment, no one was interested in hyping up the girl that wanted to settle for being a teacher. And as I left our nightly meeting the only thing I heard ringing in my ears was, “You really are wasting your potential.”

Flash forward to the end of my senior year, I am excitingly headed to Oklahoma State where I’ll be studying Family ad Consumer Sciences Education and Political Science. Now, I have a new dream that keeps everyone happy. I will teach FACS for a few years and then I will pursue a career in education reform.

Why did I pick up an extra major you ask? Because I knew if I could explain how I was going to get out of the classroom before I ever got into it, people would be less likely to believe that I was actually wasting my potential. But let me tell you, I learned many things in college and one of the most important lessons I learned was that my potential and how I use it is not up to the discretion of the peanut gallery of my life, no matter how well-intended they may be.

It’s now my senior year at OSU, I’m sitting before a panel of interviewers for a senior award from my college. They have asked me to answer this question:

What is the thing you are most proud of during your time at OSU?

As I looked back at them there was only one answer I could give. And while I’m sure they thought I would say something about being Student Body President or being involved in my sorority or leading major projects on campus, none of them were able to hide their momentary surprise when I responded.

You see, my proudest achievement while in college had nothing to do with my resume. What I was and still am the most proud of is leaning into the call the Lord placed on my heart all those years ago and understanding that my potential isn’t lost in the classroom when my students look back at me, it’s multiplied.

I am thankful for the many gifts the Lord has given me. My heart to love and serve people is one of my favorite. And what better way to love and serve the group of people God has molded my heart for than to teach them about life? What an intimate opportunity to be in the trenches with a bunch of teenagers. And I couldn't be more excited about it if I tried!

As I prepare to jump into my very own classroom come the fall, I can’t help but stop and think that if I would have believed the lies about my calling, I just might have missed out on one of the greatest privileges of my life.

I have come to the conclusion that my responsibility as a teacher is not to teach my students how to be successful, because that means I can tell them what success is or isn’t. What I have been tasked with is to do everything I can to help them determine what success looks like for them and give them every tool necessary for them to achieve it.

What a blessing it has been so far, I can only imagine the goodness the Lord has in store.

Over the years I have realized that not everyone has their epiphany moment at a young age. Heck, some people never get one. But what I hope to encourage you in today is that whether or not you know you’re calling, knowing your Creator can get you to where you’re supposed to be. What a gift that is!

Lord, I pray that as we look to you we would see and hear clearly where you have called and equipped us to go. May you, God, get all the glory when it comes to the ways that you mold and pull our hearts. Holy Spirit, be our guide as we hear and respond to the calls we’ve received on our lives. Jesus, thank you for standing in the gap when we fall short and turn away from these callings. May this all be for your glory, other’s benefit, and our joy.

In Your Son’s Name. Amen

All my love,

Kaitlyn