The year is 2009. A sixth-grade girl stands in front of the bathroom mirror in tears because she hasn’t been picked, once again. Her teacher says to her, “God says it not your time.”

The year is 2015. A junior in high school is excited for what’s to come in her senior year. She anxiously waits for the list of names to come out. An email arrives in the inbox, her heart drops, it drops all the way to the bottom of her feet. Her name is nowhere to be found. They say, “There just wasn’t a place for you.”

Flash forward to fall 2016. The same girl joined a sorority and fell in love. She fell in love with the women she gets to call her sisters, and as her love for them grew, so did her desire to serve. Right off the bat, second semester she takes on a significant role, Director of Philanthropy. Now, this would be a lot for anyone, let alone a freshman, but she was up for the task. A year later, she’s elected as the Risk Chair, another monumental job, but once again she was ready for the challenge. Finally, the time has come, what she has been dreaming about since the day she walked through that beautiful blue door. Executive Council applications have come out, and she was ready and willing to give her all to the women she loves so deeply as Chapter President.

But once again, my dreams didn’t come true…

…and I was devastated.

“Is this my fault?”

“Have I done something wrong?”

“Am I not good enough?”

I remember in that moment, I could feel everything and nothing at the same time, and it was so overwhelmingly disappointing. I had never imagined anything else. I had never dreamed about anything else. I didn’t want anything else.

But God said, “I have things to teach you.”

Thankfully, everything came crashing down right as the fall semester was coming to a close. So off into winter break I went, for the very first time with nothing on my plate. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been stressed, and I’m not just talking mentally. I mean physically, emotionally spiritually, I’ve been stressed since my sophomore year of high school; I genuinely did not know how to rest. One year ago, I declared this season of my life my season of Un-Busy but, it took me almost an entire year to figure out what that really meant and actually deal with the reality of how I was living my life.

I walked into Christmas break with this idea that my unknown, very empty-looking future was this dark cloud looming over the remainder of my college experience. When in reality, God was creating a blank slate for me to make room for something far beyond my wildest dreams.

January 29, 2019

I woke up early because I had another meeting on campus. This day was nothing out of the ordinary for me, I went to my meeting, made it to my classes and, got to do homework with my friends. But, in the middle of the afternoon, I get a phone call asking me a question I never considered the answer to. One of my advisors had asked me if I’d ever thought about running for Student Body President; I laughed on the other end of the phone. I told her I’d never considered it and didn’t know if I’d have any reason to, we exchanged pleasantries and hung up. While the thought swirled in my mind, I eventually had to make my way to basketball practice. Around 5:30, while still in practice, I get a phone call from my friend, Kristen. Unable to answer, I sent it to voicemail. Once I finally get out of the gym at 6:30, almost 7 o’clock, I finally get a chance to listen to her message. To make a long story short, she was interested in running for student government too so we agreed to meet up that night. I was unsure, to say the least, I told Kristen that I couldn’t give her a sure answer until the next morning, but we worked through the night anyway, in case I decided to say “yes.”

While all of this is happening, in the back of my mind I hear this voice say, “What about your season of rest?” and at that point, I knew what I needed to do. I told Kristen that morning that I was in, on one condition, I said to her, “This will not be my whole life.” Two months ago I didn’t realize that this was the most important thing I have ever spoken, but now on the other side, it is what keeps me grounded and keeps me going that much farther.

So we did it, we worked for two months to do all we could to hear from students and let their ideas be our vision for the Student Government Association and our campus. And after a long race, on Wednesday, March 3, 2019, Kristen and I were elected President and Vice President of the Student Government Association.

Never in my wildest dreams.

I don’t know about you, but I am the type of person that likes to plan. Planning is comfortable for me because it charts my course, whether that is for the upcoming week or the next few years, it’s in my DNA to have certainty, to know what lies ahead. But I’m so thankful that God, in all of His glory, wipes away our plans when they are different than His.

I used to hate that.

Every time something has come up in my life where what I had planned for didn’t pan out, it would turn me upside down. And while I can’t really say it gets any easier, I do believe it gets more simple. By now, I have a system, I say, “God, this is what I want.” He looks at me, kindly smiles and chuckles a little bit, we go down my path for a while and then

*BOOM*

Seemingly out of nowhere, something comes along and knocks me off my feet. At twelve, I was an emotional wreck, at sixteen, I was angry, and at twenty, I was numb. But regardless of how I felt about it, there are two things that I have come to hold onto in times of uncertainty in my life:

God is so good

His timing is perfect.

While I have known these things to be true my entire walk with Jesus, it wasn’t until I got to experience the differences in God’s plan and mine, and seeing the sweet, beautiful things that came from His plan being so much better than mine that I learned to believe them. He has such incredible things planned for us, and sometimes we have to learn to let go before we can love what He sets at our feet. How thankful am I that our God allows us to learn these lessons over and over again?

Lord, thank you for endless grace. In no other way could we continue to learn these things than without your patience and infinite mercy. Thank you for seasons of dreams that don’t come true. You know we ache and yearn for them but when you ask us to go on you don’t leave us, but you carry us, thank you. Thank you for your sacrifice on the Cross.

In Your Son’s Name. Amen.

All my love,

Kaitlyn