Have you ever been on an airplane and listened while the flight attendants give the safety talk? They eventually get to the part when they explain what we’re supposed to do if the air pressure in the cabin drops. The flight attendants then proceed to demonstrate how to put our oxygen masks on. For so long, I found it odd that they tell us to put our own masks on before assisting other people. That just never made sense to me, if there are people that can’t put their masks on shouldn’t they be helped first? If people are in need, then shouldn’t we do what we can to help them first, right? 

 

 

What I found out many flights and years later is that from the time the cabin pressure drops, you have approximately 15 secondsbefore you run out of oxygen and pass out. I’ll spare you the scientific details but, when our body runs out of oxygen, we go into a state called hypoxia. When hypoxia sets in we begin to lose motor function and basically any chance to save ourselves. So when flight attendants say put your mask on first, believe them!

 

 

It’s interesting though because I have become accustomed to this idea that the only way I can be of use or value is if I’m giving my all to the people in my life. 

 

 

How scary is that??

 

 

For so long, I have given so much to others that I haven’t been taking care of myself to the point that it has put me in a dangerous place. A year ago I declared this season of my life the season of Unbusy. And over the last year, I have worked at chipping away at this belief that my worth can come from anything other than who I am and what Jesus has declared of me. Let me tell you that it has been SO HARD. 

 

 

One of my all-time favorite verses comes from Acts 20:

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

Acts 20:24

 

“But do not account my life of any value…”, this statement is so dang sticky for me because I fall into the trap of this phrase alone; the idea that my life really isn’t worth anything. And even though I knowin my head that all of my hope, my identity, and worth is wholly grounded in Jesus, sometimes it’s easier to tell myself that it’s actually in Jesus andall the ways I can do for my people. But, it doesn’t work like that. Jesus doesn’t work like that. He says we are filled with God’s glory because we were created by Him. God has never made anything that has no value*. From the very beginning, we see God declare goodness over His creation when the Word says plainly, “God saw that it was good.” This phrase is deeply interwoven in the story of Genesis 1 and is vital for us as His creation to know, both in our heads and hearts. 

 

 

How can I believe anything else if God Himself declares that I am good? 

 

 

God never wanted us to believe for one moment that we are anything less than His. And that alone extinguishes even the greatest of the roaring fires of doubt about how worthy or unworthy we are of love. And for someone like me who has an innate desire to people please and earnthe love I am so freely given, Genesis 1 serves as an essential reminder.

 

 

So what about my mask?

 

 

Deep inside of my heart, there is a love for people that overwhelms me. I know that this is a Spirit-driven love that has created an ache to love all that God has created and called good. And most days, it’s easy to steer so clear of that danger zone of my worth = my ability to do, but other days I wobble across that very fine line of killing myself to “serve” and to “love.” And unfortunately, it’s on those days that my hypoxia sets in. 

 

 

I’m learning to put my mask on.

 

 

Every day I have to wake up and fight a battle for myself. I have to put on my armor to face off against the lies Satan has fed me for YEARS. The lie that I am only as good as my ability to overextendmyself. But over the last year, I’ve started to hear whispers of the Truth. And I’m doing everything I can to follow that voice and, when I do, I always seem to end up at the foot of the Cross. And it is there where Jesus meets me every time and shows me over and over again how to put on my mask, just like that flight attendant. And learning to put my mask on at all has been a challenge but learning to put it on first, that is pure uncharted terrain. 

 

 

I have to say, the victories are bright and shiny, but every day isn’t a won battle. There are very much still days where I find myself passed out on the floor, trying desperately to find air. These days are tough. But thank God, my God is tougher. Each day is one battle in a lifelong war for my heart to believe and hold onto what God says to be true about me. But thankfully, I’m not fighting alone. Jesus has had my back from the beginning, and He even holds my hand when days get particularly tough. And by the grace of God (and others), I’m starting on the road to letting people see through my armor, and maybe even allowing them to go to battle alongside me. And let me tell you, that is a victory in and of itself.

 

 

I am not alone…and neither are you.

 

 

I’ve decided to put my mask on, and I pray you do the same. My greatest hope is that on really good days we get to sit happily and breathe easy together. And on the bad days, both yours and mine, that we can help each other put on our masks, all while making sure ours are safely on too.

 

 

Lord, I ask that today and every day after You teach us how to put our masks on first. I pray that you show us, and then remind us that what You call us is all that we are and nothing less. I hope that we begin to believe that. Thank you for days where grace is all we have to hold onto, thank you for staying on the Cross so we could receive that grace.

In Your Son’s Name. Amen

 

 

All my love,

Kaitlyn

 

 

*As a general disclaimer, Acts 20:24 and the book of Acts is much more complex than a phrase taken very much out of context because of my brokenness and misinterpretation of the Word. I encourage you to read through Acts 20 before jumping to conclusions about what Paul is saying to the Church.