A Thousand Times I Failed, Still Your Mercy Remains
This has been a really tough season for me. I've been in a dark place for the last few months and I've felt like there was no way out. I hoped with all my heart that this summer would refresh me, but it didn't. I dug myself a hole so deep it felt like I would never get out of it. I have failed so much and so often I felt as if I was too far away for even God to reach me. And then I started listening...
Should I stumble again, still I'm caught in your grace
I started to listen and respond to the truth that I know in my head and little by little I'm letting it sink back into my heart. Slowly I have begun to be still in His presence and learn how to be overwhelmed with His mercy. For so long I've felt that I was too far gone that God's grace was too good for me to even receive. Oh, how wrong I was. I thank the Lord for His unending mercy and never failing grace because I am just now realizing once again that infinite truly means no limit. When He tells me I am set free from my sin because of what He did on the cross I fall at His feet every time. This season has been so hard for me because I have watched my heart go dark, I watched the person I was becoming look less and less like me, I watched as my connection and relationship with my creator hung by a single thread. I have been attacked by the devil more in these last five months than I have ever been in my lifetime. Spiritual warfare is so real, more real than I ever imagined and the devil has a way of twisting what we think and feel into something so terrible that we are willing to run away from the God of redemption and healing. But I'm not running anymore...
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
He is with me always, God's wants to be with me. If I'm being totally honest I have sat down time and time again over these last five months to put these words on a page, and every time nothing came out. But I know now that in those moments I wasn't ready to accept the grace that the Lord never stopped extending to me, but I'm ready now. I'm running as hard and fast as I can into the arms of my creator. It has been beautiful, it has been painful and it's not over yet. I am so broken, in all honesty, broken beyond repair. But, in His kindness and glory, the God of everything was willing to die so that all brokenness would be restored, and I'm so thankful I get to take part in it.
Neverending, your glory goes beyond all fame.
For the first time in so long, I feel like myself again. I feel the Holy Spirit at work in my heart, moving me to work for the glory of God's kingdom. To reach out and touch others so that He can be known. For the first time in what seems like forever I feel free. Free to be happy, free to have joy, free to love other people. And I can't put into words how incredible of a feeling that truly has been. Our God is so good, more than I will ever know or be able to fathom, but in this moment and every one after I wouldn't want it any other way.
With an overflowing and gentle love,
Kaitlyn